Time...it's on my wall...and in my pocket

Anybody else see this crazy cloud arrangement yesterday? Not a cloud in the sky and then these things appear making me feel like: ♪You dropped a bomb on me♪ (Yes I went there with the crazy Gap Band reference)! I would like to tip my hat to microsoft for making such a powerful program (Microsoft Paint) free, so I can clearly illustrate the part of the picture I wanted to focus on so easily.

Alright, today I am only going to stick with new, up to the minute news. Has anybody heard of this Lorena Bobbitt incident?

All joking aside, it was a sad day for me when I read that Dr. Laura is leaving radio for throwing racial slurs at people like panties at a rock band. Click that last sentence to check out the article over at the Los Angeles Times. Now we are going to try a new segment here at Team Blacksheep called:


If I were Dr. Laura...

If I were Dr. Laura I would put out a press release as follows:

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can end my talk radio show.

I think that it might be funny if I occassionally look up noteworthy current events and explain what I would have said instead of their boring generic response. This will not only be funnier, smarter, and better looking, but it also will give other people a chance to chime in with their ideas.

What would you have said if you were Dr. Laura?

Bottle Service Schmottle Service!

Yup, that's how I roll. Do me a favor...go to your mirror right now, put something in front of your crotch, take a picture, and see if it is funny or not. Nine times out of ten it is hysterical. This is what I like to call "Default Humor." It will always be funny. Other things that fall in this category are:

1. Man gets hit in balls
2. Old person trips and falls
3. Person gets pie in face
4. Britney Spears

Idea Section
A brothel called: Nailed it
A male gang made up of Oompa Loompas called "Cheetos", female gang "Cheetas"

That's all I have for today. I liked this though...I am going to come up with more.

TM in the PM

So, the most difficult part of my weekend was deciding which photo to put up. Probably the most jam packed weekend ever! And I mean it...anybody have a peanut? Kourtney and Daaaaaaveeeeyyyyy came down for a Cranium bash, I went up for an AY bash, and Meagan and I went down for a Del Mar bash, one only kid one only kid.

This photo is of the bus we took to Del Mar for the horse races with the lovely Kouple Kyle and Katie (KKK for short). Notice the drug money.

If you ever want a cool party bus check it out:

http://www.bigwoodytours.com/

AY's bachelor party was amazing. Stayed at the W Hotel in LA and finished the night off at The Playhouse. I've got a video or two of the horrible dancing exhibition we put on that I will try to put up later.

Can you pick out which two of these people are models and which one isn't? Tell me your guesses. I think you'll be surprised with the answer.

Graveyard Shift

Just interviewed for a vampire type of lifestyle. Did you get that? Might take a job at the company I want to work at working from 11pm - 7am and no that is not a typo. Here is a picture I took with the cool Hipstamatic phone app.

I have to be honest, I must be a hipster because so far I love that app! Shhhh...don't tell anyone. I'm going to do a shameless plug for www.defaziomodernhome.com. They are located in fountain valley, have great modern design furniture, and have very reasonable prices. I am saying this because I search all over the place for stores like this in Orange County and they are extremely hard to come by.

That's it for today.

VanMelum

Wasted Hours?!?

Torture chamber to some, pleasure zone for others. I personally subscribe to the former.

But if I had a ladder, I would crawl across to the latter and punch the former in the blatter, even though it helps us from getting fatter, and scream "Batter up" as I splatter it's fatter matter all over the mad hatter's face.

Resulting in quite the rumbling, tumbling, side crumbling, bumbling of a fumbling and mainly mumbling Mad Hatter.


Now that I got that out, let's shoot the shit. Be honest, do you workout? If so, do you do it to:
A) Look good
B) Be healthy
C) You just feel guilty if you don't
D) Some other reason, like you want to be able to lift cars, or do one-armed pushups

I'm still trying to figure out if the phrase, "Sun's out. Guns out." is really worth all the time spent in the gym. Can people even see past my hairy chest? Over at Team Blacksheep we only ask the important questions in life. Like this one:

Do girls with thin mustaches know they have a mustache and think other people can't see it? Or do they just not see the mustache when they look in the mirror?

Working Stffy

So now that I have a job, I can update this thing everyday and get paid to do so! Who says you can't make money doing these things? LIES!

I admit it everyone, also known as just me. I am a working stiffy. I am not sure where to go with this blog just yet, but I am slowly developing a strategy. Fortunately right now, I haven't told a single person about my blog, so it doens't have to go anywhere. I am implementing a similiar strategy at work: Keep your head down and don't let anyone know you are at work, then you won't have to do anything.

Has this worked for anyone else out there? Be honest, it's anonymous.

I experienced one thing that was awesome today. Went to work out at an undisclosed location this morning, and was greeted by drunk people playing outside the gym. That's how early it was.

PS that's a picture of my dog Oswald. He's got a big nose...like me! From now on I will update this thing with funny commentary, at least to me, and possibly a link or to to things that are entertaining, at least to me. But it will all be in an effort to not make this blog just about me, but about u2, the popular hard rock and roll band.

We Were Robbed!!!!

And by we I mean the Lakers...and by robbed I mean we lost...and I use the term "we" assuming that I am a part of the Lakers Men's Basketball Team.


Other than that today was insane. Headed over to the parental unit's house to eat BBQ chicken, and it was so good this is what we all ended up looking like. So, off to the gym at 5:30 am tomorrow to work off that chicken. I personally think Meagan's looks the best. Your opinions?


Unfortunately, I think mine scores very high on the "Most Believable" chart. Just about as high as that time that guy told that judge he didn't kill those two people. Which guy were you thinking of?

Meagan's Infamous Cookies

I talk these things up to everyone, and even after I set the bar incredibly high for Meagan, she still delivers; people love them. What's the recipe you ask? Can't see...it is that secret. I'm being dead serious when I say I have never had such amazing home made cookies.

Both Meagan and I worked for DWBH today at the CDM run for life/relay/Look at me/I'm in shape/I wear tight pants event...wouldn't have missed it for the world. Maybe running makes you happy. Ever notice how happy everyone is at a marathon or running event? "I can't wait to run 26 miles!!!" Nope, just didn't do it for me. Maybe someone can explain...

Life is tough...and here is Girlfriend and I exemplifying that exact saying. Little known fact, when you get inducted into the bald men group, they give you the hat I am wearing in this photo as kind of a "Hey you're bald...but you got a free hat!?!?" type of thing.

Today I morned the news of Speidi breaking up. I thought they were the most amazing power couple of all time... I am being dead serious. Your thoughts?

Planes, Trains, and Automobiles...You get me my DONUTS!!!

WHAT UP!!!

So, memorial day weekend was crazy, like your mom. Chris's mom right? We all went over to Club Simon, I get this neat hat you see in the picture, and I worked on my tan. Midway through lounging in the pool I thought to myself, "It doesn't get much better than this." Ever had those moments yourself?

Then Joanne told me about how her and Bob skinny dip in the pool. That pretty much flipped my world upside down for a number of different reasons. But hey, I guess if you pay for it, you should be able to do with it what you want, like those asian mail order brides.