Plug it in and Turn me on!

You guessed it, this is going to be about the new Keith Malloy surf movie "Come Hell or High Water." Not only is it the 1st movie solely about bodysurfing, but it has some of the best in the sport doing what they do best, MAKING BABIES CRY from SHITTING THEIR PANTS because they've just seen MOZART take a piano, shape it into a wave, then FUCKING SLIDE DOWN THAT BITCH LIKE NEVER BEFORE SEEN, now DIKE OUT! Woo....thank god I got that out early in the blog post.

I have to get sentimental for a moment. The first memories I have of surfing period are from bodysurfing. My pops took me to the beach (Newport Pier to be specific) and showed me how to go straight in on a wave for as long as I could. You put your arms behind your back and you went until your belly, or Jewish nose for me, hit the sand. When I became a teenager I surfed all the time with Christian "The Ice-berg" Berg-hansen, but we ditched the boards often -- at the point -- to just bodysurf. No chicks, no glory, no future, just gay fun. In retrospect, I should have kept surfing, because clearly there are a lot more opportunities in that industry...bummer.

Anyway, here we are today. I love bodysurfing. My lifestyle, personality, and overall general attitude are much more aligned with those who bodysurf. These guys love to play grab ass more than an overly excited football player, and make gay jokes more than an overly excited bible thumper (and might I add under informed). Tonight, the movie will be amazing not just because it's about something I love (because I didn't get this excited when chipotle opened up on the peninsula and I LOVE CHIPOTLE!), but because I will get to see it with a group of people who love it just as much as me, if not more. It will be like seeing the Beebs  for the first time, and we are all horny young hormonal teenage girls. Rowdy? Yup. Respectful? Yup. Speedos? Well, you'll have to come to find out.

-VanMelum

PS If I may provide an addendum to Keith's tagline: "It's about taking a breath and kicking your feet in the big blue see [while using your dick as a rudder]."

I'm on Cloud 8...which is still pretty good.

A little chicken wing for my Wedge Boys at Off the Wall. 

 Showing everybody how to go on a closeout.

It's late and I'm tired. Not a good excuse, but valid nonetheless. I'll leave you with this:

A single drop of water can't create a ripple without a pool to land in.

-Thomas VanMelum

Christian Berg-Hansen Knows Best

I'm just now getting comfortable with the idea of Final Cut express, and how there is no way I will ever be able to dedicate the time I need to, to get the product I want. Does anyone else ever feel that? I'm thinking, "Damn. I've got all these great visions and ideas in my head, I need to become a film maker so I can see these through." Then Girlfren' yells at me to take the trash out and play with the dogs -- reality check.

Everyone who knows me well knows I don't have cable tv. I figure, if I really want to watch a show, I will seek it out. Otherwise, I will waste hours upon hours watching things I don't really care about, just because I'm too lazy to get up and do something else. That being said, Katie (mentioned in an earlier blog post) recommended Girlfren' and I watch An Idiot Abroad. So far it is amazing and hysterical. I won't waste time explaining the premise, but watch a promo or two (their only a minute) and see if it peaks your interest.

Last thing I want to talk about is the Trending section on Youtube. Everyone needs to check this out daily! 3 videos every day that are worth while watching, and it gives it to you right there in an easy to swallow pill; after all, we want media to give us what we want, when we want, and how we want it. Waaaaaaaa!

Checky Chan Kyle and Katie

Ladies and Gentlemen: Newport Beach's power couple Kyle and Katie! And 3rd wheel Girlfren'? These two were kind enough to invite Girlfren' and I over to where I proceeded to eat all of their food and make fun of their shortcomings (Katie has a lot so it's pretty fun). We got to learn a lot more about them both, which makes me never want to hang out with them again. An Honorable Mention must go to Derek for blessing us with his presence. I assess ONE (1) Golden Star to Derek.

We also got a chance to talk about Wipeout, the greatest show ever, OJ Simpson the greatest running (emphasis on RUN) back ever, and Katie's brief but extremely profitable pole dancing career. Nothing but good vibes and good times.

Below is a video of me showing how to properly perform a box-out in bodysurfing such that nobody is injured. This maneuver is usually reserved for basketball, but I have applied it to pretty much every aspect of my life. There's a bills box-out (where you deny the postman access to your mailbox), a Bear box-out (where you stop a potentially dangerous animal from hurting your friends), and a Boobs box-out (where you basically just stick your but up against someone's boobs, man or woman.

The UROL: Spreading Peace One Wave at a Time

This weekends mayhem was made possible by this power couple. So, I would like to start out with a big thanks to Keith and Tiffany for letting us stay at their home. A distinction must be made here, I'm not friends with Tiffany, but I am friends with her brother.

Christian Berg-Hansen and I pretty much raped the town of the Unmentionable Reef Of Legend while we weren't in the water or sleeping -- sometimes doing both at the same time. With crude gestures to old woman, poor driving skills, and just a general disregard for social norms, we managed to conjure up some major fun. We ate breakfast at Broken Yolk which was just like Anthony Mason, AMAZING! I'm going to open up a gym right next to it called Yolk then Choke. I'm going to open up a comedy next to that called Yoke then Joke...you get where this is going.


These are the photos of Christian and I ripping it up -- aka goofing around because the swell was much smaller on Sunday when these photos were taken. I'm sorry this couldn't be much funnier, there were just too many awesome things happening this weekend.