L'Chaim! Things got a little crazy this weekend. No need to explain how or why, the video sums it up pretty well. Had Jesse actually poured milk all over his body we would have been sucked into a porthole, traveled through time, and had to be saved years later by Bill and Ted. No, not that Bill and Ted, they were idiots -- this Bill and Ted (or Bill @ Ted). Thank god Jesse didn't do it though...I have work on Monday! Thank you Claire for being such a champion.

For anyone who is interested, the plan was to go out to Palm Springs and experience Coachella. Well, turns out we went out to Palm Springs, and were having such a blast playing the iPod in the kitchen, we never got to experience anything but the house. We would have needed a least one more week to explore all the possibilities of the house, then we could have proceeded to Coachella. But that is assuming we still had energy left. As if...

Thomas VanMelum

I Stopped to Smell the Flowers

So I took some time out to smell the flowers this morning, literally. I am here to report, with 100% certainty, that this phrase is an idiom (cliché at this point) and not meant to be taken literally. After smelling these flowers I felt nothing; no calmness, no appreciation of my surroundings, no alleviation or pressure. I decided then to step back and stare at them; this is when my mind began to wonder.

I thought about a combination of things with no clear affiliation with one another: a song I could write to beat Rihanna (If you're wondering what the title would be it is "The Untold Story of Chester Copperpot"), what I will do with the trash I forgot to take out on Tuesday, and why the damn Blacksheep is completely finished. None of these things really have any importance but they are sure are fun to think about.

Has anyone noticed gas prices are SUPER HIGH AGAIN?!?!?! Why are none of the usually media resources covering this like they did a few years ago?

Sometimes I want to grow my beard out and shock the world! 

But even "shocking" isn't really that impressive anymore. I know, I won't do "shocking!" 

!TIMEOUT! That's just called boring.

It's a tough life you know?

I just put this last picture in to let you all know that I seriously did come home from work the other day and move the couch.

Thomas VanMelum

Generations of Silliness

To the right are the Melums, Carlbergs, and VanMelums in order from left to right. Who cares right? I know. I'm working on that...







To be continued...

The High Life is Good!

I heard a great Buddhist phrase one time: A friend's good fortune is a blessing. I know a lot of us tend to be jealous or want what others have. Next time you feel jealous, remember that quote, and you will be able to enjoy the fruits of others' labor a lot more. There's a quote:

What's better than enjoying the fruits of your labor? Enjoying the fruits of others' labor.

I bring all this up because my good friend Brian was kind enough to get me into the Irvine Sports Club. This place is awesome, and if you don't think so, you're probably just jealous. The downside to all of this is 1) I'll never be able to afford being a member at a place like this and 2) I had to wake up at 5am this morning to get my act together in time to meet him there to play basketball.

Turns out, I'm 5x better at basketball in the morning because I have a distinct advantage over everyone else. Not only do I like to wake up early in the morning, I also always work out early in the morning too. The juices were flowing right away, while other people looked like zombies. CONFIDENCE BOOSTER GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anybody ever get bored and just move their furniture around? Girlfren' and I did this last night. I wonder if there is some psychological breakdown of that because it's obviously not a logical thing.
Senario 1:
Shit. This week has sucked. I'm working overtime, I haven't had sex in awhile, I don't feel like drinking, and pretty much everyone is annoying me. I know, I'll move the couch. That will fix everything!

Thomas VanMelum

SEO and the Infinite Sadness

If you don't know anything about SEO then you must be living under a rock. If you're living under a rock you must be a worm. And if you're a worm then you must understand the pejorative implications surrounding you. Search Engine Optimization is what google has made millions on. (PS just typed google into my blogger program and it underlines it as a mispelled word...WIN for the little guy). SEO is also how I am going to become more awesome than Lauren Birchfield. However, while I am relatively well versed in the beginnings of SEO, I have not been putting my knowledge to good use on this blog. That is to say, if you do a search in my name, the correct pictures and stories are not coming up. Since this blog is solely dedicated to being more awesome than Lauren, this is a huge flaw in the execution of my plan. But my trusty internet friends, this little misstep is but a bump in the long road to taking what is rightfully mine. I posted a picture of this shirt because I found it to be righteous. Even though it has nothing to do with my SEO rant.

The reason I haven't been posting lately is because of the deep depression I went into regarding this SEO matter. I actually slit my wrists a few times. Turns out:

1) You are supposed to slit the bottom of your wrists
2) It hurts.
3) Even though it hurts you have to cut really deep.

All of these reasons made it difficult for me to be good at slitting my wrists. In fact, it was less of a slit and more of a paper cut. I'm currently wondering if making humor out of slitting your wrists is even possible. Well, I tried both.

Girlfren' and I put one metric ton of invitations in the mail this week for our Wedding. So if you didn't get your invitation, it's in the mail.

Thomas VanMelum

A late Post to Round out the Day...because you're day is SQUARE

 Altruism! It's real...'cause for a long time I thought it was more like Santa Clause, or the Easter Bunny, or wrestling...fake. Sorry if I just burst someones bubble with that whole wrestling is fake bit.

Molly and Greg bought this giant gummy worm for Girlfren' and I as an engagement present. So I did what any self respecting man would do and started eating it bit by bit with my pink flowered shirt on. All was good until my jaw actually started hurting, then I felt sick, I started pooping my pants, and this was all before I had even opened the package. Could have been those burgers I ate earlier.

Long story short, throwing the giant worm at people proved to be a lot more fun than trying to eat the damn thing.

So the Don't Worry Be Happy event went off without a hitch! Pictured here is Mike Radford and his lovely girlfriend/assistant Brittany Hughes. Mike's the official unofficial photographer for us at DWBH and as always he killed it. Here's a link to his blog:

http://michaelradfordphotography.com/

He specializes in making the unsexy look like celebrities. It's why I love him; he makes me feel like a celebrity.


Thomas VanMelum

Ghetto Blaster means a few different things

 Well a lot happened this weekend. So much so, I will have to break it up into a couple of posts. I was invited by Dave Allee to be a part of a celebrity 3 on 3 basketball tournament to help raise funds for the Fellowship of Christian Athletes. Ok it wasn't a celebrity basketball tournament but I'm calling it that because I want to be of celebrity status.

Coming into the event I felt pretty good about our chances of winning, however 3 plays into the first game one of our players, Jeff, suffered an ankle sprain and was done for the day. Because we had been training for 4 years for this day, and foolishly overlooked the possibility of an injury, Jeff's absence sent us into a tailspin that we could not recover from. Needless to say, we are all winners, so DON'T FUCKING BRING UP THAT WE DIDN'T WIN THIS TOURNAMENT BECAUSE WE DID. WE'RE ALL WINNERS!!!

Moving right along...It was brought to my attention that awhile ago a company had brought back ghetto blasters for your ipod. Actually, I guess ghetto blasters are for your shoulder -- you get what I'm saying though. I so desperately need one of these to be cool. If I was just a fat, cigarette smoking, drunken, slob of a human being, but had one of these on my shoulders -- all would be forgiven. I assume.

Thomas VanMelum

Bodysurfing Sponsor

I'm a Sponsored Bodysurfer!!!

Well, only sort of. I contacted Evan at Liquor Box through Facebook. It is important to mention their motto:

"Liquor Box in the front. Poker in the rear."

Evan semi-agreed to give me a shirt or term in return for me repping Liquor Box everywhere I go. I'm excited. It's a start, and it's a much better sponsor then all those other guys who beat me at Pipe. Who's even heard of Quicksilver or Da Fin anyway?

Don't worry Evan, I won't let you down! This season at wedge you will see my in photos and on TV rocking my Liquor Box shirt. So a big thanks to my sponsor Liquor Box in La Jolla. Ha ha.

As you all may know, every girl dreams of getting to register for their wedding day, Meagan is no different. On the way to the store she couldn't stop smiling and talking about how she has always wanted to do this. We were aiming at a quick in-n-out experience, where we would mainly register online but just get the ball rolling in the store. OH HELL NO! The second that little scanner hit her hands she was scanning everything in sight. Her eyes were almost popping out of her head with excitement. Which leads me to my next and most crucial point when it comes to women and attracting them:

Men, if you want to get a girls attention, take them to the store and tell them you will buy them anything! It won't win a girls heart (actually it might win some), but it will certainly give you an attentive audience.


Thomas VanMelum