The Treat of San Fransisco

24 hour power session to San Fransisco with my good

buddies Katie and Kyle. A lot of stuff happened right 

out the gates:

1. Los Angeles is still leading the race for biggest butt fuck city of the world (we hit a ton of traffic). 2. Even if Katie says she is handling the directions, don't let her handle the directions.
3. If you drive 80 miles per hour the entire way, it will take you 6 hours and 30 minutes to get to San Fran, I don't care what the mileage is.

Once we finally arrived we spent so much valuable time with the financially challenged (pissed drenched bums) who came up with a couple amazingly racist gems, I would like to share one now: While at a bus stop a small Asian woman boarded the bus to take her somewhere. The bus started to accelerate before she could sit and she tripped a little bit, but caught herself with one of the many aesthetically appealing bars placed strategically EVERYWHERE on the bus. This prompted the homeless man (who had no teeth) to scream "Can't drive, can't walk." BOOM!
Or even better, there is a homeless man who hides behind bushes, jumps out and scares the crap out of people, then they give him money (personally I don't think he needs to hide to scare people, he's just creepy standing there). While hiding behind a bush a man walks by and says "Don't give him money, he'll just spend it on crack!" To which the homeless man replied "I smoked crack with your mom last night." What a gay time.

But most importantly, we shot a lot of video throughout SF and I think you will find the video very entertaining. Be on the look out for the video these next couple of days, I just need to make a few edits, that's all.

Thomas VanMelum

WEDGE BITCH!

So you want to learn

how to bodysurf huh? 


Take a page out of this


professionals book! 


Check out that sweet landing.


I call this the crab!

He ain't gonna email you!

Head bang, fist pump, headbang headbang headbang! Life rocks! Exclamation mark! America! Gay rights (too much)!?!? We've all been busy -- we're all talking about how busy we are: updating our facebook page, our blog, growing our beards, just living life. But people I have found more time...it is between the hours of 4:30am and 6:30am...and this particular time SUCKS! Like, "gay rights" sucks (did I just flip flop on that issue?).

If everyone is a part of a rat race why aren't they winning more often? I'm bigger, faster, and smarter than a rat -- even this one from The Princess Bride. I vow, from this day forward, that I will fuck up any rat race that I am invited to, BOOM! What's that you say Mr. Figure of Speech? It is supposed to resemble people getting caught up in life...I'll win that too. Oh, that's not a game to be won? Too bad, it is now, GUIIIIIIILTYYYYYYY!!!

Wedding planning is going great. If I had to make the process of planning the wedding a physical inanimate object, I would call it a piece of cake.

This is Oswald on his 1 year old birthday a few weeks ago; he rocked that party hat like it was going out of style.Then it did go out of style, but he made it cool again. Good job Oswald on creating social memes. Now if we could just get him to quit eating his own poop (that's a joke).

San Fran this weekand (<--because it rhymes). See you there, bringing the fins.

Thomas VanMelum

Fifty Nifty United States...

And I live in the most trashy one. And when I say "trashy" I don't mean it figuratively (like this) I mean it literally. Went surfing this morning with Greg -- it was awesome -- always is. Surfing is like that brother you never had but always wanted. But then again, deep down inside you are stoked you're the only boy in the family because you would feel bad when you became jealous of the other brother's girlfriend and you were forced to slip her a roofy, then chicken out of doing anything really drastic. So, you panic and drive her to the desert, rent a hotel room (motel 6 because you're broke), and set up an elaborate scene where it looks like she had an all night binge with a couple of postal workers. I would hate to go through that again! ONCE WAS ENOUGH!!! Below is a photo of Lauren after our party. Good news: she got some action. Bad news: it was from Oswald. Sorry Lauren, I didn't creep on you, I just walked in and this was going on.

I would like to rant about bankers! It has come to my attention over the past couple of months (don't make fun of me I'm slow and it took me a long time to understand) that banking is an upside system that is setup to screw the WORLD! Too boring to talk about, too many details to go into, and I'm not bright enough to make it simple to understand. But I really think everyone should take a look at the way the banking system and stock market is setup, and think long and hard about contributing to a company like this. I'm just saying, put your money in your mattress, then tell me who you are and where you live. Thanks.

Thomas VanMelum

Blogging is life!

Well talk about a party blowout! First off, I'd like to thank our neighbors for not calling the cops when the party spilled into the front yard at 11pm, where we proceeded to scream and shout while hitting multiple pinatas. Yes, we had more than one pinata. Secondly, I'd like to thank our neighbors for not calling the cops when we had a full blown (loud) dance party in the pool house (which, interestingly enough, we don't have a pool; we just have a room that resembles a pool house). Tertiary, I'd like to thank everyone for coming, it meant the world to Girlfren' and myself (it also meant the world to some of you too because you didn't ascend to Heaven like you were supposed to on account of the rapture).

If I had to peg one thing that stood out from the party for me, it was the fact that everyone was willing to let go and have a good time; swing for the fences on the pinata, dance like you're alone, and really commit to having fun. I truly think a lot of people are scared of stepping outside their comfort zone so here's my advice to you: When someone asks you to do something that makes you kind of uncomfortable, just do it -- you might find that it was worth while (you also might find that now you're naked in the desert with only your shoes, and your butt hurts...but that's rare...they usually take your shoes too).Ultimately everyone made some new friends, we lost a few friends (seriously we couldn't find a few people who we know came to the party), and fun was had by all.

And if that weren't enough, we had the first swell of the season for wedge and Girlfren' had her bridal shower. As the Never Ending Story narrator would say, "But that, is a different story."


But if you don't want it to be a different story, and you are really into bodysurfing, here is a link to the video somebody shot of a couple few good bodysurfing waves over the weekend. Enjoy, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v
=8dai7p48JqA
Thomas VanMelum

This is it!

The Engagement Shoot

By now you may or may not have seen a few sneak peek photos of the engagement shoot. However, the real story is in the fact that the Blacksheep (my 1971 Camaro) made it all the way out to Palm Springs and was in tip top shape. I have been restoring the car for almost as long as I have been dating Girlfren', so it's quite an accomplishment for me. Stay tuned for photos of the Camaro and the engagement.

Religious Accountability

Christian said I needed more bodysurfing photos on here

 I don't know if anybody has been following this "End of Times" going on right now, but it has picked up a lot of speed in the media for sure. In case you are in the dark, there is a small sect of people who believe that the end of the world will begin May 21st, 2011. At this time, followers will rise up to Heaven, and the people who do not rise up to Heaven will be engulfed in a battle between God and the Devil on Earth -- ultimately ending the lives of all people here on Earth. So that is the brief and over simplified breakdown of the situation.

Now, that aside, I couldn't care less what these people do; they have a right just like me to believe in whatever they want, and I support that. However, this peaks my interest because I want some media outlet to gather information on these people before May 21st. Get a list of their names and all their information and possible reasons why things might not pan out the way they thought they would.

Then if the world doesn't end, we could make a great documentary or something about why these situations come up occasionally, and why sometimes they are more affective than others. Wouldn't it be great to have a lot of information  and videos about y2k? There's something here that needs to be looked at very closely -- I'm not exactly sure what it is -- but there is some communication things going on here that could really benefit us in the future.

Thomas VanMelum

PS I'm having an "End of the World" party at my house on Saturday...so if you're still here, stop on by.

Rainn Wilson GOOOOOO!!!!!

 I feel like ash in Pokemon... If there were a Pokemonesque battle between Lauren and I, it would be something like this for today:


Thomas: You want to battle with me Lauren?

Lauren: Yup.

Thomas: Fine. Awesome engagement photos, ATTACK! My kick ass fiance and fucking awesome Blacksheep will destroy you.

Lauren: Not so fast. I counter with a photo of me helping with the human rights law in India! Gooooooo!

Thomas: Shit. I did not know you had one of those. I've been stymied.

Lauren: Fool. Your fiance can't compete with the likes of these poor Egyptian kids. And look at how sad that ones face is in the front...

Thomas: You're right. But those kids are no match for my secret weapon, Rainn Wilson GOOOO!!!!!!!!
BWOM!





Lauren:  thlehwtl wthl; awtoiavaenwp;wort anvwaeowpht....

Thomas: Ha ha, I got yo' ass! I treat a bitch like 7up, I never have I never will.
- Snoop Dogg

Lauren: You're mighty beard was enough to finish me, my lady mustache cannot compete. But Rainn Wilson!?!?! Wowwweeee...

Thomas VanMelum

I thought I was the Bally Table King?

Well the blog went dormant for a few weeks...the irony is it was not because I wasn't getting shIt done, I was getting too much shIt done! Take that.

But, because I grew up in the household I did, I'm not going to dwell in the past I'm just going to stick to the present. Trust me when I say, had I blogged these last few weeks Birchfield would have been floored. We got to keep this interesting though, I can't just dominate her in the post, then step out and shoot 3's. It's got to be more like that time Ice Tea was running from those dudes who loved to hunt humans -- sporty.

Last night I worked a Jubilee with a ton of rich and famous people and came up with a business idea: Sniper Diapers. They are diapers that are camouflaged in color. There are 50 reasons why this idea is awesome, and 1 reason this idea is shItty (get it?)

Interior on the Blacksheep is almost complete. Suck it world. If you had knees, now would be the time to get on 'em.

I can't stop growing my mustache.

Thomas VanMelum