Fifty Nifty United States...

And I live in the most trashy one. And when I say "trashy" I don't mean it figuratively (like this) I mean it literally. Went surfing this morning with Greg -- it was awesome -- always is. Surfing is like that brother you never had but always wanted. But then again, deep down inside you are stoked you're the only boy in the family because you would feel bad when you became jealous of the other brother's girlfriend and you were forced to slip her a roofy, then chicken out of doing anything really drastic. So, you panic and drive her to the desert, rent a hotel room (motel 6 because you're broke), and set up an elaborate scene where it looks like she had an all night binge with a couple of postal workers. I would hate to go through that again! ONCE WAS ENOUGH!!! Below is a photo of Lauren after our party. Good news: she got some action. Bad news: it was from Oswald. Sorry Lauren, I didn't creep on you, I just walked in and this was going on.

I would like to rant about bankers! It has come to my attention over the past couple of months (don't make fun of me I'm slow and it took me a long time to understand) that banking is an upside system that is setup to screw the WORLD! Too boring to talk about, too many details to go into, and I'm not bright enough to make it simple to understand. But I really think everyone should take a look at the way the banking system and stock market is setup, and think long and hard about contributing to a company like this. I'm just saying, put your money in your mattress, then tell me who you are and where you live. Thanks.

Thomas VanMelum

Life is FULL of awesomeness when you're Me. And we are all me.

Where to begin? Let's start at the tequila party because I'm so excited I can still remember everything (I'm assuming very few others at this party shared this ability). Girlfren' and I went to Emily and Justin's engagement party which was to die for --so now...so chic (as the French say)... so di classe (as the Italians say)... or as I put it: "Fucking Righteous Broseph." We may have very well been in San Diego with the party being thrown by Ron Burgundy, that's how classy this thing was.


Class is something you expect in Newport Beach, but they took it one step further. While we were all dining on beautifully prepared catered food, we noticed we were in the presence of a black widow -- which was looming just above our heads the entire time. What a unique way to spice up dinner, have some fun, and keep the adrenaline level high. Golf clap to all that were involved with the making of this wonderful party. GOLF CLAP!

Now Girlfren' and I like to consider ourselves cultured, worldly, and sophisticated; so we went to Claim Jumper and ate with our friends Kyle and Katie the next night. The highlight of the night was Katie talking about how Curios Kyle electrocuted himself one evening, and Katie's impression of him was not only hysterical but also impeccable. Here is Kyle getting electrocuted:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TQELoPvdLeQ&feature=related

I guess you had to be there.

Thomas VanMelum