Plug it in and Turn me on!

You guessed it, this is going to be about the new Keith Malloy surf movie "Come Hell or High Water." Not only is it the 1st movie solely about bodysurfing, but it has some of the best in the sport doing what they do best, MAKING BABIES CRY from SHITTING THEIR PANTS because they've just seen MOZART take a piano, shape it into a wave, then FUCKING SLIDE DOWN THAT BITCH LIKE NEVER BEFORE SEEN, now DIKE OUT! Woo....thank god I got that out early in the blog post.

I have to get sentimental for a moment. The first memories I have of surfing period are from bodysurfing. My pops took me to the beach (Newport Pier to be specific) and showed me how to go straight in on a wave for as long as I could. You put your arms behind your back and you went until your belly, or Jewish nose for me, hit the sand. When I became a teenager I surfed all the time with Christian "The Ice-berg" Berg-hansen, but we ditched the boards often -- at the point -- to just bodysurf. No chicks, no glory, no future, just gay fun. In retrospect, I should have kept surfing, because clearly there are a lot more opportunities in that industry...bummer.

Anyway, here we are today. I love bodysurfing. My lifestyle, personality, and overall general attitude are much more aligned with those who bodysurf. These guys love to play grab ass more than an overly excited football player, and make gay jokes more than an overly excited bible thumper (and might I add under informed). Tonight, the movie will be amazing not just because it's about something I love (because I didn't get this excited when chipotle opened up on the peninsula and I LOVE CHIPOTLE!), but because I will get to see it with a group of people who love it just as much as me, if not more. It will be like seeing the Beebs  for the first time, and we are all horny young hormonal teenage girls. Rowdy? Yup. Respectful? Yup. Speedos? Well, you'll have to come to find out.

-VanMelum

PS If I may provide an addendum to Keith's tagline: "It's about taking a breath and kicking your feet in the big blue see [while using your dick as a rudder]."