Beach Bum Benjamin Franklin

First I have to give a shoutout (always wondered if saying "shoutout" made you feel stupid, and I just confirmed it does) to Kyle and Katie -- Congratulations on your engagement announcement! They both were so lovey dovey it made me sick...or maybe it was the tequila shots? Either way, congrats.

So, it's Valentine's Day. That's it.

Simon Dodgen and I were dissecting My Era 2.0, the Justin Bieber album, and particularly liked the track 'Baby.' We were specifically excited about the fact that Ludacris announces himself before he raps, "LUDA!!!" Our excitement didn't stop there. We decided we wanted to become dancers for Ludacris and tour with him. We put in a call to his people and booked some gigs in Laguna, San Fransisco, and Palm Springs as his backup dancers. I guess they think Simon and I will appeal to his gay market. Things are looking up for us. If you ever hear someone randomly scream Luda, it's probably him or I. If you ever hear someone yell at you, "Get a room you two!" it's probably Christian. Just so you know.
Thomas VanMelum

Checky Chan Kyle and Katie

Ladies and Gentlemen: Newport Beach's power couple Kyle and Katie! And 3rd wheel Girlfren'? These two were kind enough to invite Girlfren' and I over to where I proceeded to eat all of their food and make fun of their shortcomings (Katie has a lot so it's pretty fun). We got to learn a lot more about them both, which makes me never want to hang out with them again. An Honorable Mention must go to Derek for blessing us with his presence. I assess ONE (1) Golden Star to Derek.

We also got a chance to talk about Wipeout, the greatest show ever, OJ Simpson the greatest running (emphasis on RUN) back ever, and Katie's brief but extremely profitable pole dancing career. Nothing but good vibes and good times.

Below is a video of me showing how to properly perform a box-out in bodysurfing such that nobody is injured. This maneuver is usually reserved for basketball, but I have applied it to pretty much every aspect of my life. There's a bills box-out (where you deny the postman access to your mailbox), a Bear box-out (where you stop a potentially dangerous animal from hurting your friends), and a Boobs box-out (where you basically just stick your but up against someone's boobs, man or woman.