I Sign the Front of Checks...Not the Backs

Welly welly well...I went straight from creepy guy at Tequila Party who outstayed his welcome, to creepy guy at Kid's Party who was not welcome...but they had a bounce house...how could I resist? I'll tell you one way to ruin a bounce house, let kids in it. They don't know how to take full advantage of the bouncing system, the air soft obstacles, or the accidental touch of a beautiful lady! (PS Love you Girlfren', this is just for the readers. And for your information, the only thing I touched was Jake as he grabbed me and we both rolled down the slide together in a very manly way of course).

In fact, it was my nephew Magnisii's (plural for Magnus) 1st birthday! Unfortunately he missed most of his party because he ate too much cake at the beginning, went into a sugar frenzy, and passed out 3 minutes into his own party. Imagine if you did that as an adult -- EPIC!

This reminds me of the time I graduated college (Yes that really happened). My family rented a bounce house for me as a graduation gift and I loved it so much I slept in it that night with Girlfren' (Yes that really happened). It was then that I vowed to build the greatest bounce house course ever known!

I went into exile for the next 2 years creating what would be the perfect bounce obstacle course. It was too daunting a task to take on alone, so I hired a young whipper snapper named Rhamdi Ojhali. Rhamdi worked beside me day and night to help me fulfill my vision, and when it was finished it was our vision. Tragedy struck!!! Rhamdi went behind my back and sold the concept to ABC which is now a hit show called Wipeout (Yes that really happened, in my head). So Fuck you Rhamdi, you foiled one of my many plans to become cooler than Lauren Birchfield. It's cool though, I've got tons of other thins in the pipeline, like:

1. A show for kids about a giant purple clown named Carney.
2. Curing AIDS
3. Writing the greatest book ever called: SEX, Give and Take. Shake and Bake.

BLAM!

Thomas VanMelum