My Weekend @ Shmannel Shmislands

All I'm going to do here is show you a timeline / schedule. All of this is factual, no lies. You tell me if Lauren could keep up with this:

Friday
4:00pm: Arrive in Ventura for the showing of CHOHW
4:30pm: Launch boat for surf trip tomorrow
5:30pm: Eat dinner / have some drinks
5:31pm: Have some drinks
7:00pm: Show up to movie and sign autographs, shake hands, kiss babies
7:01pm: Have some drinks while kissing babies
8:00pm: Watch movie and scream the whole time
8:01pm: Have some drinks while screaming (it's tough to do)
9:00pm: Tell a joke into the mic in front of 500 people and have Keith Malloy take the mic away from you
9:30pm: Go back to the boat, talk for a little bit, visit the grocery store for food supplies, and tell Tim not to party too hard and get arrested
11:00pm: Bed time.


Saturday
4:00am: Wake up and start packing

5:00am: Figure out why the motor won't start. (Turns out the motor had a strict no starting before 5:00am rule). It eventually started, and we heading off to Shmannel Shmislands
6:20am: Arrive at Santa Cruz south shore and surf/bodysurf for 2 hours alone. There were no other boats.
7:30am: Get hit by surfboard in head, and bleed everywhere so the sharks can eat Tim.
9:30am: Eat a sandwich.
11:00am: Go surf for another 2 hours
1:00pm: Eat a sandwich and find a place to dive for dinner (Christian speared two fish for us).
3:00pm: Return to the surf spot and surf for another 45 minutes
3:45pm: Head home
5:00pm: Enter Ventura Harbor
6:30pm: Sit in the jacuzzi and start BBQing the fish
9:00pm: Visit bars that literally not one single person is in
11:00pm: Return to boat and play mandalin while falling asleep, sitting up

Sunday
6:00am: Wake up, pack up your shit, and get ready to head to Magic Mountain.
10:00am: Arrive at Magic Mountain and just fuck that place up until you gots to go.
10:00am to 4:30pm: Batman, Colossus, Scream, Green Lantern, Goliath, Viper, Tatsu, Riddler's Revenge, X2...booya grandma
4:30am: Tell Tim he isn't going to puke and start headin' home.
6:00am: Arrive home to your beautiful wife (guarantee you she'll never have one of those)

...Nailed it.

Thomas VanMelum

Happy Bday Kara!

Nothing says happy birthday like approaching a bunch of strangers and asking them to say happy birthday to someone they don't even know... Eat your heart out Lauren! (Don't actually do that)

Plug it in and Turn me on!

You guessed it, this is going to be about the new Keith Malloy surf movie "Come Hell or High Water." Not only is it the 1st movie solely about bodysurfing, but it has some of the best in the sport doing what they do best, MAKING BABIES CRY from SHITTING THEIR PANTS because they've just seen MOZART take a piano, shape it into a wave, then FUCKING SLIDE DOWN THAT BITCH LIKE NEVER BEFORE SEEN, now DIKE OUT! Woo....thank god I got that out early in the blog post.

I have to get sentimental for a moment. The first memories I have of surfing period are from bodysurfing. My pops took me to the beach (Newport Pier to be specific) and showed me how to go straight in on a wave for as long as I could. You put your arms behind your back and you went until your belly, or Jewish nose for me, hit the sand. When I became a teenager I surfed all the time with Christian "The Ice-berg" Berg-hansen, but we ditched the boards often -- at the point -- to just bodysurf. No chicks, no glory, no future, just gay fun. In retrospect, I should have kept surfing, because clearly there are a lot more opportunities in that industry...bummer.

Anyway, here we are today. I love bodysurfing. My lifestyle, personality, and overall general attitude are much more aligned with those who bodysurf. These guys love to play grab ass more than an overly excited football player, and make gay jokes more than an overly excited bible thumper (and might I add under informed). Tonight, the movie will be amazing not just because it's about something I love (because I didn't get this excited when chipotle opened up on the peninsula and I LOVE CHIPOTLE!), but because I will get to see it with a group of people who love it just as much as me, if not more. It will be like seeing the Beebs  for the first time, and we are all horny young hormonal teenage girls. Rowdy? Yup. Respectful? Yup. Speedos? Well, you'll have to come to find out.

-VanMelum

PS If I may provide an addendum to Keith's tagline: "It's about taking a breath and kicking your feet in the big blue see [while using your dick as a rudder]."

Breakdancing in the Barrel

What a weekend it was! And heeeeeeeere we gooooooo...

A long time ago I bought a bee-bee gun to shoot the pesky squirrels (wabbits) that make my dogs bark. Well, yesterday I got one square in the face! BOOYAH GRANDMA! Here's the dialogue:

Wife: Did you hit it?
Thomas: I don't think so. It ran to the other side of the tree.
Wife: Oh there it is. You missed it.
(Squirrel then falls out of the tree, 10 or so feet, and hits the ground).
Thomas: I GOT IT!

After about a split second of happiness, the flailing of the squirrel makes me uneasy, and the sickness starts to set it. Long story short, I stunned the shit out of it, but it later got up and run away. And that was just the beginning of the weekend.
Rock 'n Roll Petesvky and Roxanne were kind enough to invite us to the Newport Beach Jazz concert series. I told Petesvky point blank my feelings about Jazz, but we opted to go anyway. NGUYENING! Not only was the show amazing (in part mainly to the guy who played the talk box through an electronic clarinet), but Wife and Roxanne took a picture with Danielle, aka Topanga. Apparently Roxanne is Topanga's long lost sister, so from now on I am calling her Roxanga. Your thoughts?

Disco Balls and Man Calls

It's been awhile since I've posted...it's 'cause I'm married bitch! If you weren't there here is what you missed:

In-N-Out Burgers
Eye Candy
Nose Candy
Strong Drinks
Some muted pinks
Lots of white
Loud music
and just an overall GAY time. BLAM! I hope Lauren Birchfield is ok...haven't seen her for awhile. Maybe it's because I can't see her through the amount of dust I just left her in. Just call me Gandhi because I peaced out (yup just made that up). I was having a conversation with my dog yesterday, Oswald (he's such a great listener), and we discovered a lot in our little discussion. Namely, fragmented sentences are the key to the truncated attention spans we all have these days.

What's up with "these days?" What about "those days?"

I almost buried myself and my own bachelor party with the amount of activities we were accomplishing. Turns out, if you have a steady stream of alcohol and a dash of food, you can run for days. I can confirm this test based off of my 3 day bachelor trip in Santa Catalina. Aside from Jake passing out on the pier 1 hour into the trip, and AY ducking out early every night, everybody champed out, hardcore (not this hardcore but this hardcore). UHH! It's like that sick drum fill....boot a bap boom boom! Sound it out, you'll hear it.

So many crazy adventures, so many crazy faces...I'm coming back at it because I want to make time for you internet! I owe you everything internet...let me purge my life story all over your spongy surface. Soak it up.

Thomas VanMelum

Photos make life Cooler

Seriously, I hear a lot of people complain about these photo apps being "trendy" and stupid and what not...go eat a D! These photo apps are making me seem so cool you don't even understand. When I have kids, my #1 priority will be to make sure they know how cool I am/was. These are examples of some cool photo apps I have downloaded, this one is called Diptic. Here's a scenario:

Scenario 1
Billie (that's my pseudo kids name): Hey Pop, want to go play basketball?
Thomas: I was dunking by the time I was in 8th grade Billie. 8TH GRADE!!!
Billie: That's awesome dad. Let's go play.
Thomas: Not yet, let's look at these cool photos of me dunking from back then.





Scenario 2
Billie: I just discovered this old tv show called The Office, it's so funny.
Thomas: Here are some photos of me hanging with the whole crew of The Office.
Billie: Pop, you knew everyone! You are so cool...
Thomas: Just for good measure, let's do an experiment. Sit there Billie, and I'll take a picture of you just standing there. BAM! Now here's a picture of me just standing there from a long time ago. How much cooler do I look than you?!?!?
Billie: Fiddle sticks. You look AWESOME!


So yeah...

Come Hell or High Sea Water

The Cynic. Why don't people realize they are in control of their own happiness? I know we all know at least one person like this. You try anything and everything to get them to be stoked on life, but they continue to bask in their own negativity. Moreover, they attract that same energy and end up continually hanging out with people who have the same outlook on things. That's tough.

Well, while Lauren Birchfield is spending most of her time going to galas and balls (not those kind...well maybe those kind I don't know), I've been working hard to dominate the world with smiles, inspire other people, and try to make everyone around me just a little bit happier. Who's leading at this point? It's tough to say because as much as I hate dressing up, I sure would love to go to a ball. Maybe I could meet Cinderella...and stand around talking about who knows what and not have a care in the world. Life is pretty good when your biggest concern is, "Should I stick with vodka now that I'm too drinks deep or go for that pink drink over there that I know has gin in it?" You're at home with your computer, don't act like you haven't said something similar to yourself before.

Why is Back to the Future such an epic series? Look at them...seriously look at them. Those guys are living the dream; travelling through time, saving the universe, making out with their moms at prom, ZING!!!

4th of July Mishap!

Well, it happens to the best of us, BRAIN FART. I was excited to light the Roman Candle my mom had got me a few Hanukkahs ago, and assumed the end where the wick is is not the end where the fireworks come out of. I was wrong. Hilarity ensued. Watch the video:

I've got some other things to post but they will have to wait until tomorrow.

Here's the link to the video if you want to watch it in HD: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=falsfjpvkiU

My decline into the Murky Abyss that is Pop Music!

What can I say...my guiltiest pleasure (besides the company of small asian, preferably Taiwanese, boys) is straight up top 40 pop music. You lie like my rug if you say you can't help but get attached to them a little.

AND HERE COMES THE MUSIC SNOB! We know one, or two, or forty. The guy or girl who can't love pop music because it's just too popular. Well I've got a news flash for you music SNOB "Afghans Build Security, and Hope to Avoid Infiltrators (that seriously was a news flash in the New York Times today).

But I digress. What I wanted to say was, "Your life will become more fun and interesting when you let pop music into your heart." Look how cool it made Michael Jackson, he was the coolest 13 year old (arrested development) ever! And Katie Perry...she's got HUGE boobs (. ) ( .) (again, a digression but still noteworthy).

Let pop music fill your ears like water filled the lungs of those on the Titanic...too soon? Write me an email or leave a comment and I will set you up with 10 great new pop songs you won't be able to turn off. BAM!

Yours Truly,

Thomas VanMelum

Interesting Reporting

Watch this video until the end. I know some people might get offended with the "too soon" argument so I will tread lightly. It's is unfortunate that Dunn died so young and it's even more unfortunate how he died. I find it interesting that the report chooses to mention the pillaging, and the disgrace it is to Dunn, instead of focusing on the alleged 130 mph and drunk driving. I guess ultimately it's interesting they found it necessary to interview a grieving person immediately after they view the devastation.

This video speaks for itself...

Thomas VanMelum - Fuck SF!!!

Take that Lauren...we're getting on the internet

Well, Meagan is so excited that we are on this blog she follows religiously. So instead of writing a ton of stuff about it, I will just redirect you there: http://www.oncewed.com/

The Treat of San Fransisco

24 hour power session to San Fransisco with my good

buddies Katie and Kyle. A lot of stuff happened right 

out the gates:

1. Los Angeles is still leading the race for biggest butt fuck city of the world (we hit a ton of traffic). 2. Even if Katie says she is handling the directions, don't let her handle the directions.
3. If you drive 80 miles per hour the entire way, it will take you 6 hours and 30 minutes to get to San Fran, I don't care what the mileage is.

Once we finally arrived we spent so much valuable time with the financially challenged (pissed drenched bums) who came up with a couple amazingly racist gems, I would like to share one now: While at a bus stop a small Asian woman boarded the bus to take her somewhere. The bus started to accelerate before she could sit and she tripped a little bit, but caught herself with one of the many aesthetically appealing bars placed strategically EVERYWHERE on the bus. This prompted the homeless man (who had no teeth) to scream "Can't drive, can't walk." BOOM!
Or even better, there is a homeless man who hides behind bushes, jumps out and scares the crap out of people, then they give him money (personally I don't think he needs to hide to scare people, he's just creepy standing there). While hiding behind a bush a man walks by and says "Don't give him money, he'll just spend it on crack!" To which the homeless man replied "I smoked crack with your mom last night." What a gay time.

But most importantly, we shot a lot of video throughout SF and I think you will find the video very entertaining. Be on the look out for the video these next couple of days, I just need to make a few edits, that's all.

Thomas VanMelum

WEDGE BITCH!

So you want to learn

how to bodysurf huh? 


Take a page out of this


professionals book! 


Check out that sweet landing.


I call this the crab!

He ain't gonna email you!

Head bang, fist pump, headbang headbang headbang! Life rocks! Exclamation mark! America! Gay rights (too much)!?!? We've all been busy -- we're all talking about how busy we are: updating our facebook page, our blog, growing our beards, just living life. But people I have found more time...it is between the hours of 4:30am and 6:30am...and this particular time SUCKS! Like, "gay rights" sucks (did I just flip flop on that issue?).

If everyone is a part of a rat race why aren't they winning more often? I'm bigger, faster, and smarter than a rat -- even this one from The Princess Bride. I vow, from this day forward, that I will fuck up any rat race that I am invited to, BOOM! What's that you say Mr. Figure of Speech? It is supposed to resemble people getting caught up in life...I'll win that too. Oh, that's not a game to be won? Too bad, it is now, GUIIIIIIILTYYYYYYY!!!

Wedding planning is going great. If I had to make the process of planning the wedding a physical inanimate object, I would call it a piece of cake.

This is Oswald on his 1 year old birthday a few weeks ago; he rocked that party hat like it was going out of style.Then it did go out of style, but he made it cool again. Good job Oswald on creating social memes. Now if we could just get him to quit eating his own poop (that's a joke).

San Fran this weekand (<--because it rhymes). See you there, bringing the fins.

Thomas VanMelum

Fifty Nifty United States...

And I live in the most trashy one. And when I say "trashy" I don't mean it figuratively (like this) I mean it literally. Went surfing this morning with Greg -- it was awesome -- always is. Surfing is like that brother you never had but always wanted. But then again, deep down inside you are stoked you're the only boy in the family because you would feel bad when you became jealous of the other brother's girlfriend and you were forced to slip her a roofy, then chicken out of doing anything really drastic. So, you panic and drive her to the desert, rent a hotel room (motel 6 because you're broke), and set up an elaborate scene where it looks like she had an all night binge with a couple of postal workers. I would hate to go through that again! ONCE WAS ENOUGH!!! Below is a photo of Lauren after our party. Good news: she got some action. Bad news: it was from Oswald. Sorry Lauren, I didn't creep on you, I just walked in and this was going on.

I would like to rant about bankers! It has come to my attention over the past couple of months (don't make fun of me I'm slow and it took me a long time to understand) that banking is an upside system that is setup to screw the WORLD! Too boring to talk about, too many details to go into, and I'm not bright enough to make it simple to understand. But I really think everyone should take a look at the way the banking system and stock market is setup, and think long and hard about contributing to a company like this. I'm just saying, put your money in your mattress, then tell me who you are and where you live. Thanks.

Thomas VanMelum

Blogging is life!

Well talk about a party blowout! First off, I'd like to thank our neighbors for not calling the cops when the party spilled into the front yard at 11pm, where we proceeded to scream and shout while hitting multiple pinatas. Yes, we had more than one pinata. Secondly, I'd like to thank our neighbors for not calling the cops when we had a full blown (loud) dance party in the pool house (which, interestingly enough, we don't have a pool; we just have a room that resembles a pool house). Tertiary, I'd like to thank everyone for coming, it meant the world to Girlfren' and myself (it also meant the world to some of you too because you didn't ascend to Heaven like you were supposed to on account of the rapture).

If I had to peg one thing that stood out from the party for me, it was the fact that everyone was willing to let go and have a good time; swing for the fences on the pinata, dance like you're alone, and really commit to having fun. I truly think a lot of people are scared of stepping outside their comfort zone so here's my advice to you: When someone asks you to do something that makes you kind of uncomfortable, just do it -- you might find that it was worth while (you also might find that now you're naked in the desert with only your shoes, and your butt hurts...but that's rare...they usually take your shoes too).Ultimately everyone made some new friends, we lost a few friends (seriously we couldn't find a few people who we know came to the party), and fun was had by all.

And if that weren't enough, we had the first swell of the season for wedge and Girlfren' had her bridal shower. As the Never Ending Story narrator would say, "But that, is a different story."


But if you don't want it to be a different story, and you are really into bodysurfing, here is a link to the video somebody shot of a couple few good bodysurfing waves over the weekend. Enjoy, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v
=8dai7p48JqA
Thomas VanMelum

This is it!

The Engagement Shoot

By now you may or may not have seen a few sneak peek photos of the engagement shoot. However, the real story is in the fact that the Blacksheep (my 1971 Camaro) made it all the way out to Palm Springs and was in tip top shape. I have been restoring the car for almost as long as I have been dating Girlfren', so it's quite an accomplishment for me. Stay tuned for photos of the Camaro and the engagement.

Religious Accountability

Christian said I needed more bodysurfing photos on here

 I don't know if anybody has been following this "End of Times" going on right now, but it has picked up a lot of speed in the media for sure. In case you are in the dark, there is a small sect of people who believe that the end of the world will begin May 21st, 2011. At this time, followers will rise up to Heaven, and the people who do not rise up to Heaven will be engulfed in a battle between God and the Devil on Earth -- ultimately ending the lives of all people here on Earth. So that is the brief and over simplified breakdown of the situation.

Now, that aside, I couldn't care less what these people do; they have a right just like me to believe in whatever they want, and I support that. However, this peaks my interest because I want some media outlet to gather information on these people before May 21st. Get a list of their names and all their information and possible reasons why things might not pan out the way they thought they would.

Then if the world doesn't end, we could make a great documentary or something about why these situations come up occasionally, and why sometimes they are more affective than others. Wouldn't it be great to have a lot of information  and videos about y2k? There's something here that needs to be looked at very closely -- I'm not exactly sure what it is -- but there is some communication things going on here that could really benefit us in the future.

Thomas VanMelum

PS I'm having an "End of the World" party at my house on Saturday...so if you're still here, stop on by.

Rainn Wilson GOOOOOO!!!!!

 I feel like ash in Pokemon... If there were a Pokemonesque battle between Lauren and I, it would be something like this for today:


Thomas: You want to battle with me Lauren?

Lauren: Yup.

Thomas: Fine. Awesome engagement photos, ATTACK! My kick ass fiance and fucking awesome Blacksheep will destroy you.

Lauren: Not so fast. I counter with a photo of me helping with the human rights law in India! Gooooooo!

Thomas: Shit. I did not know you had one of those. I've been stymied.

Lauren: Fool. Your fiance can't compete with the likes of these poor Egyptian kids. And look at how sad that ones face is in the front...

Thomas: You're right. But those kids are no match for my secret weapon, Rainn Wilson GOOOO!!!!!!!!
BWOM!





Lauren:  thlehwtl wthl; awtoiavaenwp;wort anvwaeowpht....

Thomas: Ha ha, I got yo' ass! I treat a bitch like 7up, I never have I never will.
- Snoop Dogg

Lauren: You're mighty beard was enough to finish me, my lady mustache cannot compete. But Rainn Wilson!?!?! Wowwweeee...

Thomas VanMelum

I thought I was the Bally Table King?

Well the blog went dormant for a few weeks...the irony is it was not because I wasn't getting shIt done, I was getting too much shIt done! Take that.

But, because I grew up in the household I did, I'm not going to dwell in the past I'm just going to stick to the present. Trust me when I say, had I blogged these last few weeks Birchfield would have been floored. We got to keep this interesting though, I can't just dominate her in the post, then step out and shoot 3's. It's got to be more like that time Ice Tea was running from those dudes who loved to hunt humans -- sporty.

Last night I worked a Jubilee with a ton of rich and famous people and came up with a business idea: Sniper Diapers. They are diapers that are camouflaged in color. There are 50 reasons why this idea is awesome, and 1 reason this idea is shItty (get it?)

Interior on the Blacksheep is almost complete. Suck it world. If you had knees, now would be the time to get on 'em.

I can't stop growing my mustache.

Thomas VanMelum

L'Chaim! Things got a little crazy this weekend. No need to explain how or why, the video sums it up pretty well. Had Jesse actually poured milk all over his body we would have been sucked into a porthole, traveled through time, and had to be saved years later by Bill and Ted. No, not that Bill and Ted, they were idiots -- this Bill and Ted (or Bill @ Ted). Thank god Jesse didn't do it though...I have work on Monday! Thank you Claire for being such a champion.

For anyone who is interested, the plan was to go out to Palm Springs and experience Coachella. Well, turns out we went out to Palm Springs, and were having such a blast playing the iPod in the kitchen, we never got to experience anything but the house. We would have needed a least one more week to explore all the possibilities of the house, then we could have proceeded to Coachella. But that is assuming we still had energy left. As if...

Thomas VanMelum

I Stopped to Smell the Flowers

So I took some time out to smell the flowers this morning, literally. I am here to report, with 100% certainty, that this phrase is an idiom (cliché at this point) and not meant to be taken literally. After smelling these flowers I felt nothing; no calmness, no appreciation of my surroundings, no alleviation or pressure. I decided then to step back and stare at them; this is when my mind began to wonder.

I thought about a combination of things with no clear affiliation with one another: a song I could write to beat Rihanna (If you're wondering what the title would be it is "The Untold Story of Chester Copperpot"), what I will do with the trash I forgot to take out on Tuesday, and why the damn Blacksheep is completely finished. None of these things really have any importance but they are sure are fun to think about.

Has anyone noticed gas prices are SUPER HIGH AGAIN?!?!?! Why are none of the usually media resources covering this like they did a few years ago?

Sometimes I want to grow my beard out and shock the world! 

But even "shocking" isn't really that impressive anymore. I know, I won't do "shocking!" 

!TIMEOUT! That's just called boring.

It's a tough life you know?

I just put this last picture in to let you all know that I seriously did come home from work the other day and move the couch.

Thomas VanMelum

Generations of Silliness

To the right are the Melums, Carlbergs, and VanMelums in order from left to right. Who cares right? I know. I'm working on that...







To be continued...

The High Life is Good!

I heard a great Buddhist phrase one time: A friend's good fortune is a blessing. I know a lot of us tend to be jealous or want what others have. Next time you feel jealous, remember that quote, and you will be able to enjoy the fruits of others' labor a lot more. There's a quote:

What's better than enjoying the fruits of your labor? Enjoying the fruits of others' labor.

I bring all this up because my good friend Brian was kind enough to get me into the Irvine Sports Club. This place is awesome, and if you don't think so, you're probably just jealous. The downside to all of this is 1) I'll never be able to afford being a member at a place like this and 2) I had to wake up at 5am this morning to get my act together in time to meet him there to play basketball.

Turns out, I'm 5x better at basketball in the morning because I have a distinct advantage over everyone else. Not only do I like to wake up early in the morning, I also always work out early in the morning too. The juices were flowing right away, while other people looked like zombies. CONFIDENCE BOOSTER GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anybody ever get bored and just move their furniture around? Girlfren' and I did this last night. I wonder if there is some psychological breakdown of that because it's obviously not a logical thing.
Senario 1:
Shit. This week has sucked. I'm working overtime, I haven't had sex in awhile, I don't feel like drinking, and pretty much everyone is annoying me. I know, I'll move the couch. That will fix everything!

Thomas VanMelum

SEO and the Infinite Sadness

If you don't know anything about SEO then you must be living under a rock. If you're living under a rock you must be a worm. And if you're a worm then you must understand the pejorative implications surrounding you. Search Engine Optimization is what google has made millions on. (PS just typed google into my blogger program and it underlines it as a mispelled word...WIN for the little guy). SEO is also how I am going to become more awesome than Lauren Birchfield. However, while I am relatively well versed in the beginnings of SEO, I have not been putting my knowledge to good use on this blog. That is to say, if you do a search in my name, the correct pictures and stories are not coming up. Since this blog is solely dedicated to being more awesome than Lauren, this is a huge flaw in the execution of my plan. But my trusty internet friends, this little misstep is but a bump in the long road to taking what is rightfully mine. I posted a picture of this shirt because I found it to be righteous. Even though it has nothing to do with my SEO rant.

The reason I haven't been posting lately is because of the deep depression I went into regarding this SEO matter. I actually slit my wrists a few times. Turns out:

1) You are supposed to slit the bottom of your wrists
2) It hurts.
3) Even though it hurts you have to cut really deep.

All of these reasons made it difficult for me to be good at slitting my wrists. In fact, it was less of a slit and more of a paper cut. I'm currently wondering if making humor out of slitting your wrists is even possible. Well, I tried both.

Girlfren' and I put one metric ton of invitations in the mail this week for our Wedding. So if you didn't get your invitation, it's in the mail.

Thomas VanMelum

A late Post to Round out the Day...because you're day is SQUARE

 Altruism! It's real...'cause for a long time I thought it was more like Santa Clause, or the Easter Bunny, or wrestling...fake. Sorry if I just burst someones bubble with that whole wrestling is fake bit.

Molly and Greg bought this giant gummy worm for Girlfren' and I as an engagement present. So I did what any self respecting man would do and started eating it bit by bit with my pink flowered shirt on. All was good until my jaw actually started hurting, then I felt sick, I started pooping my pants, and this was all before I had even opened the package. Could have been those burgers I ate earlier.

Long story short, throwing the giant worm at people proved to be a lot more fun than trying to eat the damn thing.

So the Don't Worry Be Happy event went off without a hitch! Pictured here is Mike Radford and his lovely girlfriend/assistant Brittany Hughes. Mike's the official unofficial photographer for us at DWBH and as always he killed it. Here's a link to his blog:

http://michaelradfordphotography.com/

He specializes in making the unsexy look like celebrities. It's why I love him; he makes me feel like a celebrity.


Thomas VanMelum

Ghetto Blaster means a few different things

 Well a lot happened this weekend. So much so, I will have to break it up into a couple of posts. I was invited by Dave Allee to be a part of a celebrity 3 on 3 basketball tournament to help raise funds for the Fellowship of Christian Athletes. Ok it wasn't a celebrity basketball tournament but I'm calling it that because I want to be of celebrity status.

Coming into the event I felt pretty good about our chances of winning, however 3 plays into the first game one of our players, Jeff, suffered an ankle sprain and was done for the day. Because we had been training for 4 years for this day, and foolishly overlooked the possibility of an injury, Jeff's absence sent us into a tailspin that we could not recover from. Needless to say, we are all winners, so DON'T FUCKING BRING UP THAT WE DIDN'T WIN THIS TOURNAMENT BECAUSE WE DID. WE'RE ALL WINNERS!!!

Moving right along...It was brought to my attention that awhile ago a company had brought back ghetto blasters for your ipod. Actually, I guess ghetto blasters are for your shoulder -- you get what I'm saying though. I so desperately need one of these to be cool. If I was just a fat, cigarette smoking, drunken, slob of a human being, but had one of these on my shoulders -- all would be forgiven. I assume.

Thomas VanMelum