Monday, January 31, 2011

The Snosberries Taste Like Snosberries

So this weekend it was Dj time...hot all day...FREEZING at night! I basically got drunk on whiskey just trying to keep warm while spinning the turntables (aka staring at my laptop and doing fades). It was an awesome house though, and an even greater party.

Then the shit storm hit. SICK. All joking aside, I didn't get out of bed on Sunday until 4:00PM. I don't know if anyone else has ever done this, but this is unheard of for me. Not only was I in bed forever, I was sleeping a majority of that time. All those '4 hours of sleep' nights finally caught up with me, and took their vengeance. And while I usually do things I don't want to do kicking and screaming (I haven't matured past a 7 year old), I gladly slept through the entire day.

This picture to the right is me standing on the white side of a giant Rubik's Cube! That's not true, but if it were it would be cool. What am I talking about right now, I'm not sure -- hey, at least we're on the same page.

Does anybody else think about stuff a lot before they buy it? I mean a lot. I wanted to get a new pair of basketball shoes, I looked at the same ones for about 2 months. Finally I decided I didn't need new basketball shoes. Then, I almost sprained my ankle in a game and decided I definitely needed new basketball shoes. They were only like $60, so slightly more than that Newport Beach parking ticket I got (assholes), but I was worried about it the whole time. Now that I have the new shoes I feel like a million dollars. I spent sixty dollars to feel like a million... good deal if you ask me.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Christian Berg-Hansen Knows Best


I'm just now getting comfortable with the idea of Final Cut express, and how there is no way I will ever be able to dedicate the time I need to, to get the product I want. Does anyone else ever feel that? I'm thinking, "Damn. I've got all these great visions and ideas in my head, I need to become a film maker so I can see these through." Then Girlfren' yells at me to take the trash out and play with the dogs -- reality check.

Everyone who knows me well knows I don't have cable tv. I figure, if I really want to watch a show, I will seek it out. Otherwise, I will waste hours upon hours watching things I don't really care about, just because I'm too lazy to get up and do something else. That being said, Katie (mentioned in an earlier blog post) recommended Girlfren' and I watch An Idiot Abroad. So far it is amazing and hysterical. I won't waste time explaining the premise, but watch a promo or two (their only a minute) and see if it peaks your interest.

Last thing I want to talk about is the Trending section on Youtube. Everyone needs to check this out daily! 3 videos every day that are worth while watching, and it gives it to you right there in an easy to swallow pill; after all, we want media to give us what we want, when we want, and how we want it. Waaaaaaaa!

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

AY . The Great ones never lose it

AY here showcasing a triple threat. No not pass, shoot, or drive, but headband, Jordan apparel, and tanned skin. With these 3 things, he MUST be a good basketball player*! Our men's basketball league features only the top players in Orange County banking...because it obviously doesn't feature the top players in OC for basketball. Moving right along.

*It should be noted that AY holds multiple Newport Harbor Basketball records and multiple San Diego County Under 6 Foot Men's League records as well.


Why is news so messed up? On the front of YAHOO there is Obama's speech, a story about a many losing his job in Chicago over a Packers neck tie, and a large lizard on the loose in Riverside County. We are 5 years away from TMZ being the most hard hitting news channel...and I love it!

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Checky Chan Kyle and Katie

Ladies and Gentlemen: Newport Beach's power couple Kyle and Katie! And 3rd wheel Girlfren'? These two were kind enough to invite Girlfren' and I over to where I proceeded to eat all of their food and make fun of their shortcomings (Katie has a lot so it's pretty fun). We got to learn a lot more about them both, which makes me never want to hang out with them again. An Honorable Mention must go to Derek for blessing us with his presence. I assess ONE (1) Golden Star to Derek.

We also got a chance to talk about Wipeout, the greatest show ever, OJ Simpson the greatest running (emphasis on RUN) back ever, and Katie's brief but extremely profitable pole dancing career. Nothing but good vibes and good times.

Below is a video of me showing how to properly perform a box-out in bodysurfing such that nobody is injured. This maneuver is usually reserved for basketball, but I have applied it to pretty much every aspect of my life. There's a bills box-out (where you deny the postman access to your mailbox), a Bear box-out (where you stop a potentially dangerous animal from hurting your friends), and a Boobs box-out (where you basically just stick your but up against someone's boobs, man or woman.

Monday, January 24, 2011

The UROL: Spreading Peace One Wave at a Time

This weekends mayhem was made possible by this power couple. So, I would like to start out with a big thanks to Keith and Tiffany for letting us stay at their home. A distinction must be made here, I'm not friends with Tiffany, but I am friends with her brother.

Christian Berg-Hansen and I pretty much raped the town of the Unmentionable Reef Of Legend while we weren't in the water or sleeping -- sometimes doing both at the same time. With crude gestures to old woman, poor driving skills, and just a general disregard for social norms, we managed to conjure up some major fun. We ate breakfast at Broken Yolk which was just like Anthony Mason, AMAZING! I'm going to open up a gym right next to it called Yolk then Choke. I'm going to open up a comedy next to that called Yoke then Joke...you get where this is going.


These are the photos of Christian and I ripping it up -- aka goofing around because the swell was much smaller on Sunday when these photos were taken. I'm sorry this couldn't be much funnier, there were just too many awesome things happening this weekend.

Friday, January 21, 2011

I want to go to Hawaii -- Yay!

Yes, Hawaii would be a gay time! Girlfren' and I are doing it Peter, we're doing it! I am competing in the Pipeline Bodysurfing Competition this year, and it gives us a great excuse to go to Hawaii for 10 days. This marks the first true vacation I've ever taken as an adult. Sad, I know...I'm a late bloomer...except for my facial hair.

Does anyone ever think about how stupid the news is? My pops said a great thing the other day,

I skip articles about murder, terrorism, and the middle east. It makes reading the newspaper go much faster.


 I know it's funny, but the point is that it's also very true.


This is me rockin' it at a convention for Don't Worry Be Happy (DWBH). Dancing in public doesn't make me nervous, but I admit, it is a lot easier to do when you have a costume on so nobody can see your face. To be honest, I think I was doing more harm than good, but hey I was having fun, and who believes in altruism these days anyway.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Vlog Test...123



So the reason this is significant:
1) It's dark outside, and I am going bodysurfing in 12 foot waves by myself.
2) I work at 9am, so I got to still do a full work day
3) IT TOTALLY FUCKIN' WORKED!!! In at work like nothing ever happened.

So you might ask... "How early did you have to wake up to do this?" Well, the answer is 4:00am. However, it's not really that hard to wake up that early when Girlfren' is already up and getting ready for work [as seen in this picture]. I've always wanted to be 60 and talking with my friends and have them say ask how I accomplished so much random stuff, and of course answer "I just sleep less."

Enough...let's talk about something else. Like the fact that Lambert (my prius) is a fucking champ. Or the fact that my job fucking rocks. Or the fact that I have the best Girlfren' in the world. Or that my butt has been itchy for the past 3 days and I'm too embarrassed to scratch it! Yeah, I'm pumped on life. And today, I'm going to scratch my butt!

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

iPhone Apps and Digital Craps

No I don't mean taking a digital poop. In fact, I don't even know what that means, but I'm going to make it up right now. Digital poop means dumping all. I'm talking about being addicted to an iPhone app like craps (vegas gambling game) or shown here, Super Stick Golf. This picture illustrates two things:

1) I am ranked 13th in the world right now.
2) Clearly, I have no life.


Anybody else spend way too much time on one specific app, and which one?

I would now like to play a little game called:


Come Up With Your Best Blake Griffin Announcer Line
Blake Griffin is so good, he makes me want to buy a duck and make it my lawyer. [The End]

Monday, January 17, 2011

Rape Whistles meets Booba Foopa hello Spiderfang

Mike is Hip, that's why he eats at this place
"Ratty" Mike Radford heading to the chow down factory after a great sesh at the Boom Boom Room. This breakfast nook sold over 80,000 scones last year. How do I know that? Because they told me about 20 times. It was like talking to a proud parent.

Switching gears (vroooom). Let me be the first to say that the Boom Boom Room can be bodysurfed in the complete dark. I woke up at 3:30 am, got there right before 6:00 am and was doing back flips in the surf no problem in the dark.
    I
This may have been a great idea if it were within
3 years of the invention of the phone. But now?
Seriously?





If you're wondering why I named this post the way I did, it's because I just discovered that you can add words to urban dictionary. I am hoping they accept Booba Fupa. Don't know what it is? Look it up: Booba fupa.

Over the weekend Girlfrien' and I pushed Lazy Sunday to the MAX (no not the cool hangout spot from Saved by the Bell, we wish). But other than that, we managed to progress Team Blacksheep with the bimonthly car wash get together. I think everyone should get together two Sundays monthly and wash their cars; it would be fun, productive, and would help make it so the terrorists don't win. Can't say no to that right?

Right.

Friday, January 14, 2011

In this down economy...

Thank god that phrase is disappearing. Nails on a chalkboard people, nails on a chalkboard. Apples to oranges. Lemons. I went and visited my nephew Julius Warmsley at the Temple Bat Yahm last night. It was pajama night, so no that guy in the background wearing pajamas isn't crazy.
I also felt the sudden urge that my sister would appreciate tattoos on Julius, so I made sure to mark him up good.

You ever watch a movie and just feel compelled to be somebody at the end? I am being dead serious. You get to the end of the movie and you're like, I'm going to be somebody! So then you call your mom and let her know. I was watching I'm Still Here, the mockumentary with Jaquin Phoenix, and that movie did not give me that feeling. It wasn't funny, or sad -- I guess it just wasn't anything really.

Do you think if they opened a TGIF's in China it will be called TBIF (Thank Buddha It's Friday)? Or in Iraq, TMIF (Thank Muhammed It's Friday)? Or in India TBVLSPSIF (Thank Brahma Vishnu Laxmi Shiva Parvati Saraswati It's Friday)? See what I did there -- a polytheism joke. Booyah Grandma! Jean Claude Van Damn that's funny!

Blake Griffin called me. He's coming over to my house next year. Let's make this happen. Game over.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Lyrics to Abandon Ship (Sharks and Mermaids) by Kool Keith and Hard Kiss For Jesse Pemstein

Jesse at Medieval Times Food and Tournament
Jesse is the King
This isn't going to make sense to anybody, but there is a song my friend and I have been listening to since the days of MTV's Amp 1 & 2. That's not really a big deal. What is a big deal, is that nowhere on the internet can you find the lyrics to the song. I mean NOWHERE! Listen to the song and you will understand why. Jesse, you're welcome. Without further ado:

Kool Keith and Hardkiss : Abandon Ship

Yeah. Kool Keith and Hardkiss. V gauges off PM reading four two one seven decimal eight four two eight N two three. Red code five. Atlas seven seven seven. Ultimate delta beaming through. Fly afro livin’ with the bellbottoms jump and I got ‘em superlinguist faster master extreme remark necks, with sideburns like shaft pass the man. Go jump and ask the man. For autographs I’m thorough, let’s do the math warp speed in every borough. Come thorough ground complexion parked in the space section. Galactic nasty mean in the flying saucer underwater maximum enterprise. Jewish? People realize ray guns utlilize atmospheric, vocations spirits autobionic steel man. Robosonic industrial material reel-to-reel again aluminum foil made of steel again. Model six zero four three seven eleven eight nine model design. African metallic alloy. Atlas seven. Aluminum alloy. Atlas seven. Atlas seven. Aluminum alloy atlas seven. Organization illustrates psycho moving and texture chemical tactics will call for practice ability for centuries roll with the enemies altercational regional, subliminal helmets down focus on the time criminal. Zone western south of the hemisphere globab warrior captian when I order ya. U.S. ships navy catastrophes the government evidence cool with the president distance in motion. Soldiers by the ocean groove with emotion stick with the new wave. Arsenal daily computer atomics robot built to the X four to the modest. Sequence frenzy don’t never attempt me range , power ,driven. Terrible action you miss by a fraction thermonuclear hydraulic insomnia. We be bombin’ ya. Metro two thousand sacrifice and beams in our area. We bombed your area the force competitor Australian spies. Codes, modules, antique residue retro traction retro action computer refinement, the last design with. A two thousand stretch ‘em. Atlas atomic frequents with the MIDI through sequence turn up and amplify we search at altitude mass and oxygen open up the box again. Abondon ship, abondon ship, sharks and mermaids, sharks and mermaids abondon ship. Captain Newmackwa, come in Captain Newmackwa. Captian Newmackwa, come in Captain Newmackwa.

(Bass line bitches)

Commander of the sea vessel. Commander of the sea vessel
Told you Girlfren'. Oswald eats tennis balls.
permission to remote start controls edit the function service approach with torpedoes toasted analog gadgets. Plus two pounds of army warfare mid ships missiles cages of cables holds stable built acrylics, delivery, armory camouflages. Entourages of Vietnam, Scandinavian Aviation Service Intelligence Centers. Close in range metro six close for us of terrestrial elements images of distinctive unknown bones. Down the eastern shore, watch close down thirty five feet of deep current great whites and hammerhead sharks. We circle stones off the hip hop past the pacific coast down to the ‘stralian past the other human beings. Fortify us that move into underground quickly love scuba diving three hundred million feet below accurate analyzation formation grease on my body runs between my finger linger. Fingers linger above mystic seaweed. Jelly fish and octopus species. Probe incredibly continuous excitement little ring and harp. Dial within surpreme exterior establishment enchantment building my advancement. Excalibur level phenomenal regional A plus new attraction wavin’ on channel editorial imperial pages maximum services cruising like spaceships. Rampart from the start. United independent folds and speculation standby circumferences, innovation uniquely ambiguous corporals on the sea. Ships, bridge, begun atmosphere unconscious formal. Sounds become abnormal. Seventy seven RPM degress speed of light. This is the new way. Abondon ship, abondon ship, sharks and mermaids, sharks and mermaids abandon ship. Yeah. Hardkiss coming through. CP three oh eight. Two miles off Australia. Gauges read four two one seven decimal eight four two eight N two three red code one. Red code. Red code seven. Red code one four oh eight. Red code one four oh eight emergency systems react this is the new wave.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

The Blog is Back Alright! (Backstreets Back)

Hey Guys,

I'm back...and I've shaved. So Chris Greer was telling me about how if you search for Lauren Birchfield in Google she comes up all over the place. Seriously, try it (click this link) Lauren Birchfield . And it got me to thinking, we all should be all over the place! So this is my attempt to make that happen, at least a little bit, and I'm going to be Thomas VanMelum because nobody has that name.

Here is my girlfriend Meagan Carlberg (aka Girlfren') and Oswald at the beach (we have an open relationship). If you ever want to talk to people about your dog, go here...you'll foam at the mouth just as much as your dog you'll get to talk about them so much. Oswald and I spend most of our nights chasing squirrels (has anyone else noticed this squirrel infestation?) that I have shot with my BB gun. Just kidding, or am I?

Anyway, I'm looking forward to getting this thing fired back up and running and increasing the entertainment in the small community that is MY LIFE.

Oh yeah, I would also like to get Blake Griffin on this blog (click on his name to watch his highlights). And I want a pony.